Don’t Blame Me If You Missed A Great Photo Opportunity
You missed a great photo opportunity and you think I’m to blame.
I told you that would never work, being a photographer without a proper camera will never work.
A smartphone can work, but you must have it with you and accessible all the time.
It’s no good at home charging, in your zipped pocket, or talking to you.
Off course it does work occasionally, but then everything works occasionally.
Yes it’s great for a still life, or a serene landscape on a calm day.
But it’s not always great for an action shot, as you’ve found out many times.
I’ve been telling you for a long time now that you’ll be better served with a real camera.
After all, having one is sort of fundamental to being a photographer, don’t you think.
You could have a decent portfolio by now, instead of…well it’s not a very impressive collection.
Stay composed, buy a camera, and have it ready and waiting for the next chance of a photograph.
A photo of a splash is no proof
Don’t blame me if you missed another fabulous photo opportunity because you didn’t have a Canon camera that day.
I’d been telling you to get one for months or you’ll keep missing probable photographs.
It would have been a great photo…it’s not everyday someone cycles into the sea while looking at beautiful girls.
The photograph you got looks like a wave crashing against the shore, with no sign diving bicycle.
A camera is instant, it wouldn’t have lagged until all that was left of the incident was the splash.
To make matters worse, it appears he climbed back out, when you turned around.
You don’t even have a dripping wet body to back up your claim that it was an embarrassing splash.
I’m the only one who believes you, every one else thinks you’re just looking for attention.
Look, the sky is a nice photo anyway
Don’t blame me now, how often did I tell you to buy a Nikon camera, just how often.
You wouldn’t miss a great photo opportunity because that wasn’t in your pocket.
It wouldn’t be in your pocket anyway, it would be hanging around your neck.
Or in a bag that was hanging around your neck, and you’ve the neck to support a big bag.
Not many people will ever believe that a Hot Air Balloon flew right down to you.
They didn’t just talk to you but they gave you a free coffee, right into your grabbing hand.
Coming back later and getting a photo of the sky, even with clouds, is no proof.
You could have bought the coffee, the empty paper cup isn’t proof either.
Off course I believe you…I always believe you. Stop crying…it doesn’t look dignified.
That’s only a photograph of a chair
Don’t blame me, I’ve told you thousands of times to get a Sony camera.
You can’t prove any celebrity sat on that chair without a photograph of them sitting on it.
I know you were dumbstruck when you saw her sitting right in front of you.
It shouldn’t have taken so long to regain your composure though…really?
You need a camera ready when these things occur, and your wits under control as well, off course.
She was never going to wait there patiently while you went and bought a camera.
This is one occasion when a photo on a phone would have been possible.
I know celebrities are important, still a phone will photograph one…if it’s charged…and to hand.
Well it’s a nice picture of a chair anyway, and are you sure it’s the same one.
It did take you a long time to charge the phone, and get back for the snap.
Even if there was an ass print on it, it could be anybody’s, I don’t think ass prints are unique.
Ohh get a grip of yourself and just go out and buy a camera.
Off course I believe you, but buy yourself a camera anyway…for the sake my sanity even.
All the lambs are there…right!
I’m not taking the blame if you missed another brilliant photo opportunity.
I’m telling you again, and it’s certainly not for the first time, buy a Fujifilm camera.
Buy a big one that won’t get stuck in a jacket pocket with a temperamental zip.
You could have been one of the first photographers ever to get a shot like that.
Let me see, a huge bird dived down, snatched a lamb, and darted away instantly, holding the lamb.
You did get a photo of the dazed, shocked and bamboozled lambs that were left behind.
It’s not great proof though, lambs always look like that, bamboozled or not.
Hey…calm down. I believe you, I don’t think your imagination is up to thinking up fantastic stories.
No, that’s not an insult, I like a bit of a challenge when I’m insulting someone.
What spectacular sunrise
Are you ever going to stop blaming me because you keep missing great photo opportunities…allegedly.
Now if only you’d buy that Pentax camera I’m always telling you about, you wouldn’t keep missing them.
I know it was a spectacular sunrise, all the spectacular ones are…spectacular.
Yes it was bad luck that your mother phoned you just as the splash of red sky was arriving.
I’ve heard her, I know she can talk for hours, and who’d ever hang up on their mother.
Look it’s not as bad as usual, the sun rises every morning, and it’s spectacular every…em…fourth one.
Buy the camera, leave the phone at home, and show your mother the spectacular photo you took when she was quiet.
No, don’t show her the photo of the sunrise you missed this morning, just in case.
Don’t show that one to anyone else, it’s far to subtle, as missed sunrises go.
No…no…I won’t explain that to your mother, and I don’t think you should either.
Lakes are so deceiving
If you’re still missing photo opportunities it just isn’t my fault, no way.
Day after day after day I keep telling you to buy an Olympus camera, but you just don’t heed me.
All I see is the same lake that I saw yesterday, and that I see every other day.
The level of the water looks the same, it hasn’t risen by several feet.
I don’t doubt that there was a deluge that should have caused the lake to flood.
If you had a proper camera it wouldn’t fit in your jacket pocket, so it wouldn’t.
Then it wouldn’t be in your other jacket pocket, at home, during this ferocious, scary, alleged rain shower.
I don’t doubt it happened, but that photo of the lake doesn’t show any sign of it.
You need a real camera to take real photos instead of pictures of the places they would have been.
Another rare bird tale
Now I’ll give you this is different to the usual missed photo opportunity stories you’re so fond of telling me.
This time you had your beloved smartphone ready to shoot…when it rang…your mother I suppose.
Now if you’d bought that Sigma camera I’m always telling you about, it wouldn’t ring.
It wouldn’t scare away that lost, rare bird, that should be two thousand miles from here.
I know you have a photograph of the tree is was perched on, but the tree can’t confirm it.
I do believe you, if only for the sake of my ears, I do believe you.
There’s a story that one of those birds was seen here just seven hundred and fourteen years ago.
There’s no photograph of that one either, but nobody doubts the truth of it.
You’re much more authentic, after all you almost got a photograph.
The chap from seven hundred and fourteen years ago, didn’t even have a camera.
His story has lasted well seeing as he never even tried to prove it with a photograph.
Bring the camera with you
Do blame me that you bought a camera, I’ve been telling you to do so for long enough.
Don’t blame me that it’s still sitting in the box it came in, unopened.
There’s no arguing that it’s safer there, but it’s not much use there, is it?
You’re still missing great photo opportunities even with a camera, still sitting in a box at home.
I know the fisherman caught a crocodile, when he wanted to catch a salmon., however unlikely.
Yes I know there aren’t any crocodiles in these parts, and there never has been.
Off course I know the crocodile ate the fisherman, every last bit of him, and then swam away after burping.
I don’t doubt a word of that, I’m sure you always tell the truth, sure you’d choke telling a lie.
There’s nothing in the photo of the riverbank to suggest that it just happened there, just minutes before.
I never doubt a word you say and that your camera phone is just too slow, I know it is.
When you’re up to bringing your camera out with you, you’ll get those amazing photos.
I said I believe you, didn’t I, what more can I do to assure you that I do?
Don’t blame me, just run away
Don’t blame me if people think you’re crazy, I know you better I know you’re not.
It’s lovely to see you’ve taken your camera out of it’s box and you brought it with you at last.
Just stop a minute, this is definitely not the time to take a photograph though.
Whatever you do don’t try to get a photograph of those men in the black suits.
I’m sure that they’re not nice men, believe me they’re not very nice men at all.
Slowly…slowly just ditch the camera, turn around slowly, and then run away…VERY FAST!